


all signs point to yes

by CongressIsAliens



Series: The World Is Shit, Let’s Write Fic [2]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: (all the things they do are things my band does), Alternate Universe - Marching Band, Band Dads AU, Gratuitous Truck Unloading, Human Perry the Platypus (Phineas and Ferb), M/M, Meet-Cute, Mute Perry the Platypus (Phineas and Ferb), Perry is not doof's nemesis in this, Pre-Slash, both of them are bisexual disasters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:28:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23332396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CongressIsAliens/pseuds/CongressIsAliens
Summary: Perryshmirtz but they're band dads AU
Relationships: Heinz Doofenshmirtz/Perry the Platypus
Series: The World Is Shit, Let’s Write Fic [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1668385
Comments: 9
Kudos: 172





	all signs point to yes

**Author's Note:**

> Candace plays flute in this (Freshman), and Vanessa is a sophomore snare. (Stacy is a freshman clarinet, and Jeremy is a sophomore mellophone, but they don't really show up in this.) Perry is the kid's uncle and a forensic accountant (so he still works at O.W.C.A., but he has normal hours and all that).

Perry knows almost _nothing_ about marching band. 

But when Candace asks him if he can come help out at their first competition on Saturday, he says yes right away. 

He was already planning on going, of course. It's her first competition, and apparently, band competitions are big deals. Candace has been spending hours practicing at home, and spends long hours at the high school in rehearsal.

He shows up at the high school with her at six-thirty AM on the day of the competition. Candace practically drags him towards the band hall, which is crowded with kids. There's a few girls (and a couple of guys) sitting on the ground doing makeup. A table is set up in front of some lockers with fruit and bagels. Candace immediately drifts towards a group of others her age, leaving Perry to stand like a fly on the wall. 

Perry's always thought of marching band as dignified precision. Looking around this high school hall, it becomes clear that while what's on the field may be dignified and precise, off the field is a different story. There's spontaneous singing, yelling, even a group of drummers playing on the wall. 

He watches the kids chatter in excitement for a few minutes before another adult emerges from a nearby room. She's holding a clipboard and wearing an impressive key ring, so Perry assumes she's in charge. He decides to introduce himself. 

He barely gets his notepad out before she starts talking. "Oh, you must be Candace's uncle. I'm the director, Cathy McNary." She sticks a hand out, and Perry shakes it. "If you're here to help, we've got some stuff that still needs to be loaded into the truck. Right there, in the band room, the battery still needs to load their drums."

Perry gives a thumbs up and walks into the room that she's pointing to. 

He has no idea what a band room is supposed to look like, but this looks like it. There's a bunch of music stands out, a couple racks of garment bags, a bunch of different drums and cymbals in the back. Instrument cases sit everywhere, as do backpacks. Up on the walls, there are various posters and a very large shelf packed with trophies. 

In the back of the room, there's about ten or so people loading drums into black cases. Each one of the teens is wearing the same black overalls, shoes, and wristbands. Perry walks towards them. They must be the battery, although Perry has no idea what they have to do with electricity. 

One of the kids notices him standing there. "Here to help?" Perry nods. "Good, then you can start with helping Emily with her quints."

A short girl waves from next to a large case. She's wearing a harness of some sort, probably for carrying the drum. She buckles a strap, then grabs one handle of the case. Perry picks up the other handle and follows her out the side door. 

There's another swarm of identically-dressed teens outside, lifting a large xylophone into one truck. The girl leads him to the other truck, lifting her drum in with practiced ease. Another band dad inside pulls it in, then straps it in.

Perry makes to go back in the band room, but the other man calls him back. "Hey, I don't think I've seen you before."

Perry turns around, pulling his notepad out. He scribbles a quick message out. _Nope! This is my 1st time being involved in band. I'm Candace's uncle._

The other man smiles. "My name is Heinz. My daughter Vanessa is a snare player." 

A couple of students come over carrying square boxes, and Heinz sighs. "Snares go on _last_ , guys. Get the basses out here."

The students walk away, leaving the boxes on the curb. 

"Sorry about that. Say, what's the notepad for?" 

Perry flips to the first page, where _I'm mute_ is written. 

"Oh. Was that insensitive? I'm sorry, I just..." He trails off, then brightens. "Do you know sign?"

Perry nods. A pair of students come back holding large cases, and he and Heinz pull them into the truck. Heinz pushes them against the trapezoidal case he brought out earlier, wedging them so they won't move.

Heinz grins. 'One of my inventions left me deaf for a few months recently, so I learned,' he signs. 

Perry smiles. Today just got even better.

Hours later, Perry finds himself exhausted. Loading, supervising on the bus, unloading, helping the front ensemble push their instruments (marimbas and vibraphones, they're apparently not all just xylophones). Cooking and serving a vast quantity of spaghetti for the band, then helping the front ensemble again.

Watching the second round's show from the stands, Perry can see why Candace loves band. It's like a family. They've put all these hours in to make a work of art on a field. At a few points, the sheer wall of sound nearly blows him backwards off the bench. They move gracefully through mind-bending formations, with the flags and rifles (Perry still doesn't understand that) catching dazzlingly high tosses. 

And he has a new friend to talk about it with. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, inventor and (single, not that he cares, right?) band dad. They've stuck together all day, and not just because Heinz is the only adult who knows sign. Perry's learned a lot about marching band just from observing the band.

At the end of the day, when the sun has long since faded and the moon is up, they find themselves loading the trucks again. Perry finds himself loading up one of the marimbas with Heinz and a few of the front ensemble kids. 

The ramp is too small to fit both back wheels, so Perry ends up being the one to lift the other wheel. It's a lot heavier than he thought, so he rushes it into the truck. 

A chunk of the dull gold tubes fall to the floor of the truck with a clang, and Perry freezes. He just broke one of the marimbas- and apparently, these things are expensive. Not to mention, the band program is barely keeping its head above water. 

Then one of the kids starts to laugh. "Man, you can't go anywhere without that thing falling out." He picks it up off the floor, then slots it back into place. "The grooves are too shallow to really hold the resonators in place on this one," he explains. 

Perry sighs in relief. 

The trucks get loaded without any further catastrophes. Perry helps the other parents lay out cookies for the band, then heads to the stands with Heinz to watch the awards. 

Their band wins first place in their category, AA. Heinz tells him that they range from A to AAA, with A being small bands and AAA being very large bands. 

On the way home, the band is much quieter. No more singing or tapping. Most of the band seems to be asleep, given that it's almost midnight. 

When Perry looks over, Heinz is asleep on his shoulder. Something in Perry's heart performs a backflip. 

Candace was right, marching band is incredible.

**Author's Note:**

> I miss marching band.


End file.
